The boy with an iron will.

Last night at church, I was talking with another mom about the challenges of raising a strong-willed child. We agreed that though the trait will serve them well later in life, it takes a lot of work to bend their wills to ours.

For example, a few weeks ago I walked in Liam’s room to find every one of his books scattered on his floor. When naptime rolled around, I cheerfully told him it was time to pick up his books (something he’s perfectly capable of doing and usually does well), but he flat out refused. I persisted, and he started to throw a tantrum. I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck stick straight up! I decided that even though he’s stubborn, I’m even more so. The battle was on!

Have you ever had those moments where your child challenges you, and you just decide that you will not bend, no matter that you end up making a mountain out of a molehill? What started out as an innocent request turned into a mommy-son standoff, a battle of wills. It became about way more than just the books. It turned into a lesson in obedience and submission to authority, and I was determined to win. He WOULD pick up every last one of those books, even if it took all day! (And he did pick them up, thanks to my guerilla tactics and DEFCON-1 strategy.)

When we decided on Liam’s name, which means “strong-willed warrior,” I used to downplay the “strong-willed” part in hopes that our son would not be stubborn and difficult to deal with. My husband and I believe that the meaning of a name carries much weight, like in the Bible where names were more descriptors than anything else. My husband didn’t really see a problem with naming him “strong-willed,” but I could see the potential for heated battles and a child who resisted authority.

I’m learning that a strong will is an admirable trait. I pray that we will raise our boys to be men of strength and persistence, who refuse to give up and who persevere under intense pressure. I want to raise men who stand up for themselves, for others, and for what is right, even if it means digging in their heels and putting up a fight. I want to raise men who have backbone and resist the urge to be passive.

Even so, a strong will with no boundaries is a disaster waiting to happen. It’s important for them to learn to respect the authority figures God places in their lives, for their own protection and safety. What a great responsibility we have as parents! All I can do is pray that God will give me the wisdom to guide our sons to be obedient and respectful while knowing when to stand their ground.

How do you handle your strong-willed child?