It takes a village…

You know, the French style of parenting and mealtime education is really no different from the way I, and many of you, were raised. Twenty-some-odd years ago, this is how things were done in the United States, too. My mom didn’t make separate meals for my brother and me because, well, we couldn’t afford it, and because it defied common sense.  Whether my parents were in charge was never even a question. I just knew better than to usurp Mom’s authority at the dinner table.

Do you remember growing up like that? The general consensus from most of my friends is that this was how things were back then. So what happened? Now that our generation are the parents, it seems like the experts are trying to make us all wimps. And to make our children wimps, who can’t withstand any form of authority or discipline for fear of breaking their ridiculously fragile egos.

The luxury that French parents have, I think, and what makes this food education thing work, is that EVERYONE in France believes the same way about food. And not just about food. Their mealtime behavior is simply an extension of their overall parenting philosophy. The parents are in charge. All of the time.

The author, Karen Le Billon, words it so perfectly that I just have to quote her directly from what I read this morning:

“French parents seemed to exercise a natural authority around their children that I, and most of my friends back home, lacked…French children sat patiently, waiting until everyone was served before starting to eat. French children compliantly tried new things with a sense of open-minded curiosity. French children didn’t have tantrums at the table. And, most amazingly, they were taught not to interrupt adults. When we sat at the table in France with our children, the adults could actually carry on extended conversations.”

She makes a few more beautiful points:

“When the French reprimand their children in public, this is not seen to be humiliating. Rather they are committed to instilling discipline in their children...Yet most French parents are not overtly forceful. They’re loving while being firm…French parents were in charge. This impressed me, because in our family I sometimes wasn’t sure who was in charge…I begged, threatened, and bribed my kids. French parents did none of these things. They calmly and firmly (but usually gently) told their children what was expected, and let their kids know (in no uncertain terms) who was boss. And their children seemed to miraculously comply.

“How do French parents achieve this? Well, they demand more of their children, are stricter, and are less indulgent. They do not romanticize childhood. Imagine a nation full of unapologetic tiger mothers dedicated to producing well-behaved children rather than violin prodigies, and you would have more or less a good idea of how French parents think and behave.”

This is how I want to raise my children. (Maybe not so much a tiger mother, but you get the idea.) This way makes sense to me and is consistent with even my spiritual beliefs about how we should train our children. I want to train them to be a blessing to all people at all times and in turn, be blessed themselves. But it’s a parenting style that seems foreign in our culture. We’re too mushy. We want well-mannered children without putting in the work or dealing with confrontation. And by we, I mean me. But not anymore. Time for a French Revolution in the Thompson household!

Progress report: Just look at that sandwich. PB&J number five this week, and he’s starting to take bites of more than just the crust!